Liar, Liar, Gold Diggin' Pants on Fire

Every once in the while the Aging Disco Diva puts down the frappuccino and Godiva Chocolates, pauses and wonders "Am I being unreasonably harsh on that stupid, vapid, waste of oxygen, beyotch Dread Pirate Heather?" but then something comes out that not only reinforces my low opinion of the man-eater it makes me think that I am being too easy on the harpy from hell. It is sooooo friggin' trailer trash to pour a glass of water over the opposing lawyer's head after you lose, but Lil' Miss Sunshine did just that yesterday. She is proof positive that a stupid bint who represents herself has a fool for a client — and a fool for a lawyer.

"Mucca chucks a cuppa water over Macca’s lawyer Shacka.”

Heather Mills, the estranged wife of Sir Paul McCartney, was so furious with the turn of events regarding her divorce settlement that she poured a glass of water over Macca's solicitor. The incident, which had taken place on March 17 after the divorce deal was sealed in court, was because Heather was upset about the court awarding her just 24.3 million pounds ($48.6 million dollars) of her ex-hubby's fortune, instead of the 125 million pounds ($252 million dollars) she had expected.

Witnesses say that as the hearing ended, Mucca calmly picked up the glass of water and tipped it over lawyer Fiona Shackleton. The solicitor had arrived at London"s High Court with a neat bouffant at 10.15am:

British Sun Photo

however she left looking disheveled at 1.50pm:

British Sun Photograph

Mills has refused to admit that she poured the water, a matter judge Mr Justice Bennett could have viewed as contempt, but she later on boasted that 51-year-old Ms Shackleton, had been "baptized in court".

"Heather tipped the water over Fiona's head. She didn't throw it. It was cool, calm and collected. It trickled down Fiona's neck," the Sun quoted a witness as saying. "She waited until the hearing was over. The judge would have taken a very dim view of it if he'd seen it," the witness added.

Heather also went on to slam the blond solicitor in a bizarre statement on the steps of the court. "Fiona Shackleton has very sadly handled this case in the worst manner you can ever, ever imagine," she said. "She has called me many, many many names before even meeting me when I was in a wheelchair," she added.

Heather had expected to receive more money than what she had been given, but she has revealed that McCartney has offered her a total of only 32 million dollars

Evidently the judge in the case shares my opinion of the succubus bint....

Judge rips the gold digger a new hole

The judge who heard the Sir Paul McCartney v Heather Mills divorce case said in his judgment that Heather’s evidence was “not just inconsistent and inaccurate but also less than candid." (Translation: Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire: The Prequel)

In his explosive ruling made public today, Mr Justice Bennett added: "Overall she was a less than impressive witness.” Mills hoped to be paid $125 million from the Beatles' singer's fortune. (Translation: she came across as a gold digging trollop)

Mills, 40, walked away from court with a settlement worth about $34,000 for every day of her marriage to the 65-year-old McCartney. But it was only a fifth of what she had sought and a fraction of McCartney's $800 million fortune. (Translation: Talk about inflated self worth! The Emperor's Club would not take your resume sweetie and your current street value is 1/10000 of what you got, so grab the money and run)

McCartney also was ordered to pay $70,000 a year for Beatrice, and to pay for her nanny and school fees. Mills said that was a paltry amount. "She's obviously meant to travel B class while her father travels A class," she said. (Translation: (Heather is thinking) "Sheyat, I was counting on that damn money as a slush fund....I wonder if I can whore out little Beatrice on a reality TV show like Denise Richards? Time to call my agent and tell her to get on the phone with the people at E! Network.....")

The judgment says: "In her letter of 31 January 2008 the wife computes her reasonable needs for herself and Beatrice at $202 million dollars or around $7 million dollars a year" In his ruling, the judge said Mills' claim "is and was unreasonable, indeed exorbitant." (Translation: she is f'n nuts and has no f'n idea of what living on a f'n budget might entail)

The judge described Sir Paul McCartney’s evidence as “balanced”. He said: “He expressed himself moderately though at times with justifiable irritation, if not anger. He was consistent, accurate and honest.” (Translation: the court fully understands that Sir Paul was definitely thinking with the Little Beatle and not with his head...)

However, Mr Justice Bennett said: “But I regret to have to say I cannot say the same about the wife’s evidence. (Translation: Liar, liar, Pants on Fire: Part One)

“Having watched and listened to her give evidence, having studied the documents, and having given in her favor every allowance for the enormous strain she must have been under (and in conducting her own case), I am driven to the conclusion that much of her evidence, both written and oral, was not just inconsistent and inaccurate but also less than candid. Overall she was a less than impressive witness.” (Translation: She is a complete and total idiot and the court had to work really, really, REALLY hard to give her the benefit of the doubt because both the client--Heather Mills, and her legal representative--Heather Mills, had the combined IQ of a mushy, over ripe, and past it's prime kumquat)

The ruling also cast doubts over Mills' claims that she donated 80 per cent of her earnings to good causes. (Translation: Liar, Liar Pants on Fire: The Sequel--the only charity you are interested in is the Heather Mills Party Hardy and Extravagant Lifestyles Fund)

Mr Justice Bennet said: "In her evidence she told me that as much as 80 per cent or 90 per cent of her earnings went direct to charities. However, the wife had to accept in her cross-examination that there was no documentary evidence, for example letters from the relevant charities, that her fees were sent direct to charities." (Translation: she was even too f'n stupid to create some dummy corporations or phony charity groups)

And the Judge said he could not accept Mills’ case that she was wealthy and independent by the time she met the former Beatle in the middle of 1999. “I find that the wife’s case as to her wealth in 1999 to be wholly exaggerated. (Translation: She was a gold digging, porn posing, ATM in her cootchie, liar)

"I have to say I cannot accept the wife’s case that she was wealthy and independent by the time she met the husband in the middle of 1999. Her problem stems from the lack of any documentary evidence to support her case as to the level of her earnings." (Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire: The Three-quel)

The Judge added: "Her tax returns for 1999 and 2000 do not support the wife’s case of very significant earnings as set out in her affidavit. (Translation: the German porn revenues were way down and the Arab Prince with the deep pockets stopped returning her calls)

"Furthermore, her assertion that she gave away to charity 80 per cent to 90 per cent of her earned income is inconsistent with having $4 million to $6 million in the bank in 1999. "The wife agreed that if she had $4 million to $6 million in the bank in 1999 she most likely would have put such a sum into an account earning interest. But the tax returns do not disclose any bank interest earned or only very small sums. Moreover her tax returns disclose no charitable giving at all." (Translation: Either you are lying to the court today or you lied when you filed your income taxes back in 1999... in any case the result is the same: Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire: The Final Chapter)

The judge said Mucca was 'her own worst enemy' when she claimed she could not get work because she was vilified by the press. "I accept that since April 2006 the wife has had a bad press. She is entitled to feel that she has been ridiculed even vilified. To some extent she is her own worst enemy. She has an explosive and volatile character."(Translation: If you were not such an obnoxious, stupid, loathsome, beyotch badly in need of a personality transplant then perhaps the whole friggin' world would not hate your fingernails-on-chalkboard persona)

While I was composing this entry I had a great tune just playing in my disco lovin' head...and I am going to have to share:

Damn, The Aging Disco Diva has some great memories of doing the "Bump" at "Mother's Worry" to that song back in the day....

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  1. hot smackin on macca! no one could make her up; she's just too too. "Thinking with the little Beatle" cracked me up, as did the whole post. Hilarious!

  2. Great way to end this post Diva, you've got me doing the bump in my seat. I was shakin' it up too at the time, lol.

    Heather Mills is hell on wheels isn't she? What a wolf in sheeps prosthetics!

  3. Hi Deb,
    She is one of those people that have a neon "kick me" sign on their aura. She is a pip that is for sure. I just hope she does not decide to relocate on this side of the pond. I have suggested Afghanistan as her next landing spot.

    Thanks for stopping by!

  4. Hi Sheila,

    I loved that video---it was sooooo friggin '70s I was having flashbacks as I watched it. When I arrived in Kansas "The Bump" was all the rage back home in New York but had not quite made it to this part of the country yet. When "Fire" was cranked up in the disco bar there were just two people "bumping" away that fall--the Diva and a guy from St. Louis, LOL.

    Thanks for visiting!

  5. LOL, Diva you are too much!

    Boy do I remember the times, you sent my mind straight back to Osko's in Los Angeles.

    I dearly miss the late 70's, early 80's. I had times at the disco that I'll have to take to my grave, SMILING.

  6. Just came across this post by chance. Your Disclaimer had me chuckling:
    I think you can be sure Ms Mills won't have read this then. Nice work!