The Mayans were right. The end of the world must be at hand....how could a merciful God permit mankind to go on living....and suffering....after he has allowed Satan himself to unleash the hounds from hell in the form of a Hulk Hogan sex tape? Let that sink into your brain. Hulk. Hogan. Sex. Tape.
Seeing a somewhat clothed Hulk Hogan rubbing suntan lotion on his own daughter's nether regions made the Diva fear she might toss her Neiman Marcus $250 cookies.
TMFI...one of those acronyms you see floating about the internet and in email... TMFI...Too Much F'n Information....ever ponder exactly what that means? Ponder no more, here is a perfect example:
Gary Coleman, aged 40, the former "Different Strokes" child star, secretly married Shannon Price, aged 22 last August. In an interview with The Insider, Coleman admits that he was a virgin before meeting Miss Price, and even after more than a year together, he remains a virgin.
“It’ll happen when it will happen. And it will happen for all the right reasons.”
OK.... totally "Too Much F'n Information" Who in the hell would even WANT to ask Gary if he was doing the horizontal mambo with his bride? And of greater import...who in the hell would want to know the answer??
Usually marriage is the right reason to have sex (or in the case of Paris Hilton....being able to remember to breath without a cue card is evidently the right reason to have sex) but different strokes for different folks (couldn't resist...yes, I know....really trite and overused when talking about Gary Coleman---I will punish myself by going to my room with a couple of boxes of Godiva and some champagne)
What is of greater interest to the Aging Disco Diva is that this whole thing has my B.S.dar going off. Something ain't adding up..... it almost smells like someone is trying to sell us a big pile of something.....
Ms. Price claims that she never heard of Gary Coleman before meeting him (WhatchotalkingboutWillis?)
"She didn't know who I was." Coleman said in an interview "I didn't think I'd ever meet a human being who didn't know who I was!" he added.
That begs the question...was she raised by a bunch of babbling baboons in one of the two or three remote corners of the planet that does not show reruns of "Different Strokes".....or is she just....lying? They met on a movie set, so she was in the "biz" or a "wannabe in the biz." The Aging Disco Diva's trusty meter says:
The height difference is not a factor in their relationship she claims because:
"He was ten feet tall to me, Price told Inside Edition, "because he was sweet and I really like his personality."
But then she says that he has some serious anger issues and she has called the police.
"[Gary] lets his anger conquer him sometimes. He throws things around, and sometimes he throws it in my direction." Price added that when Coleman gets upset, "I don't like the violence." Responding as to why he threw a printer across a room, Coleman coolly responds, “I threw [it] because my agent wanted to send me a fax, and it wouldn’t fax, and she (Price) was upset at me over something that I had done. And I just took that printer and said, ‘You know what, you just need to die.’”
Ok...but he is really sweet and you really like his personality right?
The meter says:
Coleman and Price kept their marriage under wraps for more than five months, they both said, because they didn't want his fame to overwhelm hers...
Sweethearts, here is a ten dollar bill so that both of you can go buy a clue----my cat's fame would overwhelm hers. WTF is she? Seriously... try and Google her name without adding "Gary Coleman" and see what you get...nothing...
Shannon didn’t want to be known as Gary Coleman’s wife because she prefers to be known for her ability to hawk his crap on eBay. She was the "mastermind" behind the the auction of Coleman's sweatpants, which sold for $500 to late-night host Jimmy Kimmel last month after a headline-worthy bid of $400,000 fell through. She is currently showcasing her amazing talents by offering a "3000% authentic," autographed Coleman photograph (Starting bid: $25.)
In a taped interview Gary says:
“I wouldn’t want you (talking to Shannon) to be known as Gary Coleman’s wife. I hope you do get successful. (Turns to the interviewer) She’s a great e-Bayer. She’s a fabulous e-Bayer. I hope she gets famous for that.”
Well, sheyat...of course everyone knows that being known as an E-bay goddess is what we all aspire to be when we grow up. Hell, the "Famous e-Bayers" trading card set just put out by Topps is flying off the shelves, and when People magazine releases their annual "Top 100 Famous e-Bayers" I rush to the store to buy the issue...and in veritably get crushed when I fail to make the list... needless to say the meter says:
Of marriage, Coleman says, "It's not a picnic, dude." uh huh
Bai Ling is in the news for something OTHER than dressing like a tarty bag lady. I had honestly never heard of her until I started seeing her appear as a staple in the various "WTF are they wearing?" pages of gossip magazines (strike one) Then I discovered that she was good friends with celebutard Kimberly Stewart (strike two) and starred in the movie "Dumplings" about a woman who stays young by eating dumplings made from aborted fetuses. Yes, you read that correctly (strike three, game over)
Bai Ling was arrested at Los Angeles International Airport yesterday for allegedly shoplifting two tabloids and a package of AAA batteries. The Chinese-born actress, who appeared in “The Crow” and episodes of “Lost” and “Entourage,” was bagged by an airport gift store employee for lifting $16 worth of merchandise. Ling, who reportedly was weeping as she was led away by the police, allegedly stole two Star magazines and the batteries. She was booked on suspicion of shoplifting, a misdemeanor, and ordered to appear in court on May 5.
Two issues of "Star" magazine Bai? STAR magazine....dang girl...if you are going to risk getting busted, go for the good stuff...grab a "People" magazine or go for the really trashy stuff and pilfer "Weekly World News" so that you can get some fashion tips from the Bat Boy
Gratuitous Eva Mendes Friday
I promised my favorite simian solicitor (aka CoCoMonkey) that I would post some gratuitous Eva Mendes pictures to make his day.
There you go, Coco...now get back to work and hit the links, LOL
Heather Mills' father says she will leave Britain after she squeezes every last dime from Paul McCartney in their divorce proceedings. He claims she will move to France or the US because "She won't stay in this country. She knows everybody hates her and she does not care,"
Heather, sweetheart, baby..... don't sell yourself short. EVERYONE on this side of the pond hates you too. Might I suggest Afghanistan or Iraq?
R-E-S-P-E-C-T or I will kick your arse...
The Aging Disco Diva loves a good old fashioned cat fight...and if it includes two iconic divas and a diva-in-training, all the better!
When Aretha Franklin is unhappy, she does not mince words. On Tuesday, the longtime Queen of Soul slammed Beyonce Knowles' intro to Tina Turner at Sunday's Grammy Awards, in which Knowles called Turner, not Franklin, "the queen."
"I am not sure of whose toes I may have stepped on or whose ego I may have bruised between the Grammy writers and Beyonce," Franklin said in a statement issued by her publicist. "However, I dismissed it as a cheap shot for controversy."
In the first few seconds of Knowles' intro to Turner's performance, she name-dropped Franklin and a long list of famed female singers. Then the "Crazy in Love" chanteuse focused on Turner.
"There is one legend who has the essence of all of those things: the glamour, the soul, the passion, the strength, the talent," said Knowles, strutting in hot pants. "Ladies and gentlemen. Stand on your feet and give it up for the queen."
Oh, no you didn't! Miss Beyonce, you'd better send a handwritten apology along with a dozen roses, two or three BIG boxes of Godiva chocolate, a magnum of premium champagne and a pint of your blood---immediately. Something you are about to learn, Miss Thang: Aretha is THE Queen of Soul, the Diva amongst all Divas....and she does not take too kindly to disrespect of any kind!
He had no clue.....
Roger Clemens is such a good husband, throwing his wife Debbie under the Congressional hearing bus yesterday--Happy Valentine's Day Sweetheart... Clemens stated before congress that he did not have sex with...no, wait a minute that was a different liar....Clemens testified that he did not take illegal substances, it was his wife Debbie who took them....but he had NO CLUE that she was juicin'
"I would've never instructed Brian McNamee to give my wife these shots," Clemens asserted. "I don't know enough about it."
Friends and family members say though that they were starting to get suspicious when they saw Debbie's bikini shots:
Happy Valentine's Day!
Here ya' go---my Valentine's Day card to all of you:
Valentine's Day is one of the Aging Disco Diva's favorite holidays....not only is eating mass quantities of chocolate encouraged....it is mandated!
It is no secret that the Aging Disco Diva has no love for Heather Mills
...I abhor the nasty, self-centered, gold digger (see my earlier blog entries) But in no way should you construe my animus as a personal bias.
Just ignore the fact that I had pictures of Paul pasted (literally--boy was my father pissed off!) all over the walls of my bedroom as a kid (lovingly cut out of Teen Beat, Teen Magazine, Tiger Beat, etc.)
or that I collected Beatles trading cards and was willing to trade two John cards for one Paul card...
or that my son knew that the perfect gift to give me for my 49th birthday was this little statue based on the Saturday morning Beatles Cartoon.
After all, I was willing to accept the fact that he and Linda were a good match (We will ignore my hysterical crying jag that lasted from 1967 until late 1970 when I realized he was not going to knock on my front door and sweep me off my feet)
I have a pretty good "people-dar" and can get strong vibes from people...and in all kidding aside, I just got really bad vibes from Heather. I knew Paul was lonely, having lost his true soul mate (sigh..not me...Linda) and was hoping that Heather was the "one" but she repulsed me from the get-go and I could not explain why--just a very strong negative aura she gave off.
Could she at least have TRIED to pretend she had some tender feelings for the man? She looks like she can barely hide her contempt in so many pictures.
When allegations of her "colorful" past began to surface I was not overly shocked:
She is one of those people that I can't bear to watch...at all....as in when she was on "Dancing With The Stars" (One of my TV guilty pleasures) I would literally HAVE to turn the television off and try and guess when her segment was over. I finally gave up and would wait until the show was over and watch it on my DVR (fast forwarding whenever she was on...and even then I found it disturbing)
She really is such a ray of F'n sunshine isn't she?
Well, this little nugget has been racing across the Internet this evening:
Sun, Feb 10 03:55 PM
London, Feb 10 (Yahoo ANI): Heather Mills cheated on Sir Paul McCartney for six months with a secret lover, it has been revealed.
The former model had marathon sex sessions with film editor Tim Steel the night before joining the Beatles legend on a romantic Caribbean Valentine's holiday.
The sensational revelation comes as the couple prepare for a confrontation week in their bitter multi-million-pound divorce battle.
Steel has claimed that the former porn star had showed him Sir Paul's loving texts, before romping with him.
"I didn't mind-I suppose I was flattered that Heather still wanted to have sex with me despite being pursued by this musical demi-god," News of the World quoted Steel, as saying.
"Heather was insatiable between the sheets and she liked to call me her four-times-a-night guy. Our record was six.
"But it was strange lying in bed talking about Paul McCartney. I would be with her when he called or texted her. She'd even show me the texts!" he added.
The words "Heather" and "insatiable" in the same sentence.....excuse me while I go projectile vomit. If turns out to be true I hope the beyotch gets NOTHING...not one f'in dime in the divorce settlement
She really is such a ray of F'n sunshine isn't she?