Dancing with the.....???

Well the Diva has hopefully quelled the flying monkey rebellion that took up so much of her precious time this year (well, that and my 30 day court ordered vacation at Casa de Los Aging Borrachos... one can never be too careful about one's health...)

Since I missed the gimmicky and trite, fresh and clever way ABC chose to unveil who will be appearing on this season's "Dancing with the Stars" in between commercials for flatulence relief medicine and babies talking about their stock portfolios (quell quaint, and just a tad bit out of touch, but I digress) I had to depend on their press release to discover which stars will be twirling on the dance floor.

So here it is:

The coveted mirrorball trophy is up for grabs once again as 13 superstars prepare to team up with professional dancers and face off on television's hit ballroom competition, "Dancing With the Stars."

Oh boy! Superstars!!! The Aging Disco Diva can scarcely keep the pink umbrella in her drink. SUPERstars....not just plain ole' run-of-the-mill stars, but SUPERSTARS!

Goody, goody...who are the superstars this season?

  • Ty Murray (I am allergic to C & W music so don't really know who he is)
  • Jewel (Please see the notation above....)
  • Steve Wozniak (all the iPod money in the world ain't gonna help)
  • Chuck Wicks (Holy carp...see Ty Murray and Jewel above)
  • Belinda Carlisle (Battle of the 80's has beens)
  • David Alan Grier (Please see Belinda Carlisle above...but he is seriously funny so I give him a pass and I select him as the front runner of the male contestants.)
  • Shawn Johnson (Just hand the child the Mirrorball trophy right now. The old farts do not have a chance)
  • Lil' Kim (Will Lil' Kim be able to dance with so much clothing on? If Shawn were not in the competition Lil' Kim would be the favored among the female contestants)
  • Steve-O (Stupid-O, Dumb-O, Let's see how long the brainless legions keep him on the show)
  • Lawrence Taylor (LT was a god on the football field, but let's face it--he is only two friggin' years younger than the Aging Disco Diva...and it appears he and Steve Wozniak are better suited to compete in a hot dog eating contest than a dance competition)
  • Gilles Marini (Seriously...WTF is he? I had to google him. I guess if he recreates his role as "the naked guy" it will perk the Diva right up, but he is a total unknown for me)

  • Denise Richards

Yes, Denise Richards.

WTF? Where are the superstars? I thought they scraped the bottom of the barrel last year when they allowed Dread Pirate Heather Mills to burn my retinas out....

but what is worse than the Dread Pirate Heather? The Dread Pirate WannaBe: Insane Barbie Denise Richards.

I was forced last season to TiVo every episode so that I could skip any part of the show that might, just might, show the Harpy from Hell---and now this year they are featuring her evil twin? And what in the hell is she doing on ABC??? Doesn't she have a third rate reality show to appear on? Who is going to spend thirty solid minutes per episode treating everyone like dirt, cuss like a 2 bit hooker and live in the filth that comes with five billion crapping, yapping dogs?

In a recent interview she gave about her upcoming appearance on "Dancing with the Stars" she shared that all she really wants from this experience is not to humiliate herself. Ummm Denise....IT'S TOO LATE. You've been there--done that, a looooooong time ago sweatheart. In an interview she gave to People Magazine, I swear to all that is holy, she actually said: "All I hope is that I don't embarrass my girls!" Holy carp on a stick....as soon as your cherubs learn to Google you can throw that concern right out the double-wide trailer window. The Diva is taking bets on how quickly she brings the props daughters on the show. If she sucks like a lemon we may see them front and center before the second commercial.

Seriously, as much as the Diva loves her trash TV I might have to skip "Dancing with the ???s" this season.


  1. I guess that "Dancing with people who are known slightly more widely than within their immediate group of family and friends" would be a bit long for the title of a TV show.

  2. Hi Rodney....your title would certainly satisfy the truth in advertising laws (as would "Dancing with the Has-Beens who Never-Were") Thanks for stopping by and sharing an espresso with the Diva ;)