Everything Has A Purpose, Even Denise Richards...

When the Aging Disco Diva was a youngun' she can clearly remember a conversation in school concerning the notion that every living creature had a purpose. Of course she and the other ankle biters in the class, in a doomed attempt to stall the test that was supposed to be next, kept coming up with examples of creatures that surely could not have a purpose for existing.

We came up with vultures, worms, blood suckers, mosquitoes. Miss Hardbottom was getting more and more annoyed and time was running out....finally Johnny Dimwit shouted out in excitement:

"Cockroaches Miss Hardbottom! They don't serve a purpose...."

Miss Hardbottom peered over her glasses, curled her lips into a frightening sneer that let us know we had stumbled badly and that she was about to put an end to our little game.

With an evil glint in her eye she launched into a long winded explanation about how cockroaches are scavengers that crawl all over the planet.

These disgusting creatures especially favored scurrying around in the bedrooms of pain-in-the-arse junior high school students, ingesting dead plants and animals (and scientific studies showed that they relished munching on the ear wax of pain-in-the-arse junior high school students as they slept at night) She stuck the finishing jab in by sharing that the cockroach excrement left behind on toothbrushes, pillowcases and clothing (especially belonging to pain in the arse junior high school students) is consumed by other organisms. The look of horror on our faces made her day and I am sure she had a great time retelling the story, while sucking on an unfiltered cigarette, to the other long suffering teachers in the teacher's lounge later that day.

She might as well as just have sent us home right then and there because no one heard a word of what she said after that... and we all bombed the test to boot. We just couldn't shake the horror of that image of mini critters sitting around a tiny table somewhere in our bedrooms... the mother creature setting a teeny bowl of steaming roach turds on the table...and little whiny voices complain "But mom, we had roach poop yesterday for dinner!"

It has been nearly a millennium since that day but the Diva always wondered if the basic premise of Miss Hardbottoms assertion was true.... does everything, even the most vile, loathsome, worthless piece of roach ker-rap have a purpose? Last night as I was reading the entertainment news on the Internet the answer came to me with a jolt (or was that the effects of too much holiday weekend champagne and chocolate?) YES! Every living thing serves a purpose. Even...

Yes, even Denise Richards serves a purpose. What the frig' could that possibly be you ask? Well, every time I read yet another story about how what a complete and total waste of oxygen the bloodsucking Dread Pirate Heather Mills is I always think "Well, thank goodness she isn't an American, ha ha ha...the Brits have to put up with her!"

And on the other side of the pond every time they read yet another story about what a complete and total waste of oxygen the bloodsucking Deranged Barbie Denise Richards is they think "Well, thank goodness she isn't a Brit, ha ha ha... the yanks have to put up with her!"

I friggin' swear to the heavens that these two harpies must be twins separated at birth: Whispered/rumored unsavory pasts, they have no apparent talent, married sugar daddies, squeezed out spawn to cement the deal, and expect to be paid handsomely for doing the horizontal mambo with said deep pocketed men. Neither one understands the concept of "shut the f' up" and seem to be afflicted with terminal verbal diarrhea. They are champions of playing the pathetic "Oh po' little me! Woe is me! My life was so terrible. I am such a good person because my life was so terrible. No one knows the troubles I have seen. No one has suffered as much as I have." The only thing that separates these two dim bulbs is that Denise already has a dreadful reality show (featuring her two props.... I mean daughters) and the talk is that Heather is still trying to get a reality show (which will of course feature her prop, I mean daughter)

Neither woman can make it on the measly divorce settlements they have been so sadly saddled with. Yes, that's right--- poor, poor Denise, how can she be expected to get by on a paltry $40 million? That is $52,000 tax free a month for child support, $60,000 a month tax free in alimony, and a split of her ex-hubby's sitcom income. I mean just because the majority of women in this country would give a lung to get $52,000 or $60,00 a damn YEAR to live on, we can't expect the Deranged Barbie to have to budget would we?

And sadly both women have no compulsion about airing their venomous feelings about their ex-husbands, also known as the father of their children, in public. The big difference is that Sir Paul has the class to not respond to Dread Pirate's rants....Charlie Sheen is down there in the pig sheyat slugging it out with Denise.

STFU, please!

Denise Richards has accused her ex-husband Charlie Sheen of hitting "an all-time low" after telling her to "die of cancer."

The actress claims Sheen told her to "rot in hell" when she sent him a text message to say their daughter Sam was ill.

Richards tells New York gossip column Page Six, "Last week, I sent Charlie a text message asking him if he's going to Family Day (for daughter Sam's school) and letting him know Sam was sick with a cold.

"His response was, 'I hope you and your worthless retarded father get cancer and join your stupid mom. Rot in hell you whore.' My mom died of cancer. This is what I deal with on a weekly basis.

"He missed Dad's day at the school and my father had to go in his place. And this is how he talks to me?"

Sheen and Richards took their bitter ex-marital battle to TV screens on Wednesday, when they clashed over an e-mail the actress allegedly sent begging for a sperm donation from her ex-husband.

But Richards denies sending the email. She adds, "I don't want Charlie's prostitute-tranny-infested sperm. I have two beautiful kids. We'll leave it at that. I am so over him. He's the one who can't move on. He's disgusting and he's hit an all-time low."

Meanwhile, Sheen has challenged Richards to take a lie detector test -- on live TV.

A spokesman for the star says, "Denise seems to be denying the existence of (the) e-mail. This goes beyond a he-said-she-said. We have an offer from a (live) TV show. They will bring a computer expert to diagnose the e-mail and to verify it was sent by her e-mail address and to verify it was neither altered nor edited. Computer DNA -- it is conclusive.

"The only time Charlie has spoken on TV about her, they were sound bites at red-carpet visits or during set visits. He has not gone on multiple TV shows this week."

"I'm not here to talk about Charlie...but...."

Denise Richards won't shut up about her horrid marriage and divorce to actor Charlie Sheen.

As the war of words between Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen continues, Richards goes on the record with “Extra” about her bitter battle with ex-husband Charlie Sheen, her decision to include her children in her reality show and the bizarre email request making news.

“I’m going to set the record straight...I’m not here to talk about Charlie Sheen,” Richards tells “Extra.” But she continues, “He’s exploited our entire situation…He’s getting married. Focus on his upcoming wedding!”

Richards has opened up her life to a torrent of criticism as she promotes her controversial reality show, "It’s Complicated", but she insists the reason for doing the show is because she’s a single mother. “What reality show with families doesn’t have children?”

Richards asks. “I’ll be honest with you. I need to work. I need to support my children…I have bills like everyone else.”

Richards will be getting some $40 million for less than three years of marriage. That includes a $7 million divorce settlement, $25 million in syndication royalties from Sheen’s Two and a Half Men television series and nearly $10 million in child support over the next 15 years – the child support is tax free!

“I’m a good mom. I’m raising my daughters on my own…I don’t want nannies raising my kids,” Richards continues, even though she has two nannies on her payroll.

As for the note Richards allegedly emailed to Sheen’s fiancĂ©e, Brooke Mueller, explaining why she wanted another baby from Sheen, Richards says, “This is not an email I sent to anyone. Period. I do not want Charlie Sheen’s sperm.” “Extra” has learned that a forensics expert has scrutinized the email and says it’s authentic. Plus, Sheen plans to have a computer DNA expert analyze the email to prove no part of it has been altered or doctored.

As for Richard’s message to Sheen, she declares, “If Charlie was watching, which he has seen all of my other interviews, I would just say, ‘Let me promote my show. Let me move forward.’”

The Diva loves Whoopi... she is funny, smart, talented and honest without trying to be mean... in other words I want to be Whoppi when I grow up. Here is Whoopi asking the Deranged Barbie the exact questions I would have asked if given the chance. Look at Denise's eyes and body language... it is a hoot. You know she wants to just reach over and slap Whoopi, but she knows Whoopi would open a giant can of whoopass on her.

Gee, with such an appealing star how can her reality show be anything other than a hit? (cough, cough, cough) This has to be one of the funniest reviews I have ever read:

Richards, Lohan scrape bottom of stupidity barrel

Mark A. Perigard

Denise Richards’ life is one steaming pile of pig poop.


In the debut of her allegedly unscripted series “Denise Richards: It’s Complicated” (Monday at 10 p.m. on E!), the actress, ex-wife of Charlie Sheen and tabloid mainstay heads up a household stuffed with humans and animals. It’s hard to tell who matters more. In the opener, her pet pigs win out.

Two pigs mount each other in a soft glow as Muzak plays. Is this humorous? Animal Planet would show more discretion. Producer Ryan Seacrest (“American Idol”) seems to have lost his grip halfway through the episode.

I for one cannot scrub the image out of my head of one of her dogs eating pig poo. Thank you, Seacrest.

In the human side of this heroic life, Richards is trolling for a new man. It’s hard finding one who can (ewww) measure up to her standards.

“Everyone says I need to date a normal guy. What is normal, anyway? For me, normal is a famous actor or a rock star. That’s normal,” she says.

She reluctantly agrees to a blind date, but the man inadvertently trips her gaydar.

Sheen went public with complaints that Richards was using their toddlers in the series to rehab her image. The kids are cute, but they’re like everything else here - part of the wallpaper of Richards’ ditzy life.

She and Dina Lohan, star of “Living Lohan” (debuting Monday at 10:30 p.m. on E!), have one thing in common. They’re obsessed with what others say about them. Both (or their assistants) scour the tabloids and the Internet looking for the latest dirt.

If stupidity were a crime, Lohan and Richards would have a double date with the electric chair.

LOL... she scours the Internet looking for what others say about her? Hot damn, Welcome to the Aging Disco Diva's Blog Denise, now learn how to STFU and go away.... PLEEEEEEEEEEEEZE


  1. Wow, I never realized Heather Mills was actually the British Denise Richards, and vice versa.

    And I've never liked Whoopi so much as in that video. Go, Whoop-Ass!

    JD at I Do Things

  2. Hi jd... I once read that everyone has an identical running around the planet. I think Denise and Heather do not have to wonder any further, LOL. Thanks for stopping by!

  3. Aw you've just ruined my impression of Denise Richards. Not being in the US I don't get to see all those reality shows you're talking so I can only go by her looks - which to be fair to her are pretty hot - but now you've completely destroyed my fantasies about her. Thanks Not! LOL

  4. Ouch, that little interview with Whoopi was a tad ... awkward. (coughs) I did enjoy how she finally pulled out the "My mom died of cancer" card. "I don't know if anyone else has lost a parent to cancer..."

    I'm sure her mother wanted her to do a reality TV show to show her side of things... Yeah.

    Also, loved the lables/tags on this post Charlie Sheen, Cockroaches, Denise Richards...


  5. Me dumb male. Me like look at Denise and not hear anything she say me just tingle when look at Denise.

  6. Their purpose, I believe, is to make us laugh at them.
    Luckily *touch wood* I haven't heard anything of the dread pirate for a few weeks :)

  7. Hi Carl, sorry to destroy your fantasy, LOL. Once you heard her open her mouth it would have gone up in smoke anyway. The Diva will grant that Denise has an amazing body (the best money can buy perhaps?) but her face reminds me of the Bride of Chuckie when she smiles. Thanks for stopping by!

  8. Hi cardiogirl. Oh I agree entirely, Denise sure thinks that playing the "Oh po' me, my mom died of cancer" card is a get out a jail free card or something. She manages to mention her mother's cancer at least once an interview...more when the heat is up. You can almost gauge how badly she is being roasted or how many fibs she is being called for by the number of times she invokes her mothers memory. What Denise has failed to realize is that the world is filled with people who have experienced pain and disappointment.... but have learned that life goes on so you need to suck it up and put your big girl panties on.

    Thanks for much for stopping by!

  9. >>What Denise has failed to realize is that the world is filled with people who have experienced pain and disappointment..

    In all seriousness (yes, ME! I'm capable of that) that was an extremely poignant statement.

  10. Hey rhodester!

    Yes, sadly men are just one small step away from cavemen and think with the little club instead of their heads, but we women understand and forgive you.

    Luckily women are immune to such crass and base behaviors and would NEVER be swayed by deliciously buff male whores like Mario Lopez....wiping the drool off my chin... or Rob Lowe... fanning myself furiously. We are immune to the lure of hunky men with dark issues who love to bare their delectable butts at the drop of a hat like Jonathan Rhys Meyers ... I'm fighting that tingly feeling. Women look for so much more than just plain ole' totally edible in every way eye candy like Johnny Depp... feel the blood rushing to certain of my body regions.... or George Clooney... OK, time for the Diva to take a long, ice cold shower.

  11. I just tune out anything said by hot celebrities. They are like good looking pop stars...they get the mute button from me. I'm not watching a music video for the music - just the video.

    Three cheers from me for whoever it is that invented the MUTE button. It even makes Denise Richards seem like a wonderful girl.

  12. I think she's a trannie, too. I'm sorry I have to say this to bring the trans population down, but I think that is the subtext between Denise (Dennis) and Chuck.

  13. It sounds to me like Denise is upset that Charlie is getting remarried.

    I don't like Denise very much. She really did Heather Locklear pretty dirty.

    Thanks for sharing a very interesting post!