Soon to be the Ms. Ex-Macca News

Macca and Heather fail to reach settlement

Heather Mills, Britain's favorite succubus bint, was not able to convince Sir Paul that she was entitled to half his fortune and his bronzed man-berries to wear about her lovely neck so it is now up to a judge to decide what she is worth. Of course....the Aging Disco Diva has a pretty solid idea what Ms. Mills has earned and would not even award her a pot to--

but luckily for Heather my polyester grandeur was not requested by the British court.

You do have to admit though, Heather does bring some merriment to the world. Who else can, without having a clue, cause so many people to laugh?

According to a couple of overseas tabloids Heather, not one to let the moss gather under her gold-digging little heels, has already compiled a check list for her next sucker/victim...I mean, "love interest"

Heather's new boy toy wish list:
  • The man must be between 45 and 60
The Diva must admit she was a bit surprised at the upper age limit, but perhaps Heather wants a man whom she can torture, I mean love, for more than a few years. I had her pegged for more of an Anna Nicole type who wanted an old geezer who would quickly kick the bucket so that she could assuage her sorrows with an American Express Platinum Card.

  • She does not want someone who is just interested in her new-found wealth.
LOL, talk about counting your chickens before they hatch! What happens Sweetiekins if the judge awards you diddly squat? And just to get my quota of overworked, trite idioms in today's blog: Do ya thinks perhaps this might be a bit of "The pot calling the kettle black?" It would serve her right if she ended up with Larry Birkhead.

  • He should have a great sense of humor.
Heather, just being seen with you would prove he did, so you can scratch that one off your list.

  • He must be able to handle a strong and dynamic woman like me
Yes, and the minute he does not let you get your way you will claim that poor little you was mistreated and abused. (Abuse claims)

The rest of the article is a hoot, with some hilarious quotes:

"But she doesn't just want some random bloke off the street. Basically she wants a mature man - perhaps an American - who is worth at least as much as she is. She would even have another baby if the man is right. Though she has said she would prefer a man who does not already have children. She did not have the best experiences as a stepmother in her last marriage."

LOL...she would have another baby if the price was right, eh? And talk about the understatement of the century: she did not have the best experiences as a stepmother? The McCartney children friggin' HATED her guts!

Cat Fight in Aisle Four!

Stella Livid

Sir Paul's outspoken fashion designer daughter Stella finally broke the family's silence and disclosed exactly what she thought of her soon-to-be-ex stepmother. "I'll kill the bitch" she screamed after learning that Heather had accused Sir Paul of hitting her mother, Linda, during their marriage. Stella allegedly said to Paul: "I told you she was a bitch. Why did you marry her? She's been a manipulative cow from day one. The cow won't be happy until she destroys all of us ­ and our memories of our mother."

Little Miss Stella's naughty swipe at Heather Mills

Given the opportunity to help create her very own Mr Men book, Stella McCartney made sure her character resembled her down to the finest detail.

Like the designer, Little Miss Stella has the 'amazing gift' of being able to make clothes for anyone, a spattering of freckles across her nose and brown hair.

However on closer inspection it seems there is more than one familiar character in the limited edition Little Miss storybook.

It tells how Little Miss Stella takes pity on invisible Little Miss Nobody and makes her an outfit that immediately turns her into a somebody.

Yesterday friends of Stella's were unquestioning whether the Little Miss Nobody was a thinly veiled reference to her stepmother Heather Mills who experienced a similarly remarkable rise in fortunes when she married into the McCartney clan.

One said: 'No one's saying that she wrote this book with Heather in mind but they are obviously a few similarities and a few of us close to Stella in the fashion world are having a giggle about it.'

The two women have a notoriously volatile relationship.

In the book Little Miss Stella bumps into Little Miss Nobody, who is invisible, while walking in the woods and takes pity on her.

She works through the night to make her an outfit.

The clothes make Little Miss Nobody visible and everyone starts to say hello to her causing her to declare: 'I am no longer a nobody, now I am a somebody.'

The comment could well describe 38-year-old Miss Mills' experience on meeting Sir Paul.

She grew up on a sink estate in Washington, Tyne and Wear, and worked as a cocktail waitress and glamor model.

Recently pictures emerged of her posing naked for a pornographic German book in the late 1980s.

They were followed by allegations she had also worked as a high class prostitute during that period.

After losing a leg in an accident in 1993 Miss Mills threw herself into charity work - organizing the export of prosthetic limbs to war zones.

However her status rose dramatically when she met Sir Paul, 64.

Heather fights back

Heather has revealed how she believes Paul’s fashion designer daughter, Stella McCartney tried to break up their marriage.

The 39-year-old former glamor model has accused step daughter Stella of having her claws out for her.

‘Every single week Stella tried to break up our marriage,’ Heather claims. ‘She was so jealous.

‘She wasn’t interested in her dad’s happiness. I can’t protect her any longer… she’s done some evil, evil things… we found out she scraped my face out a photo when they were in psychiatric session together.’

Heather, who has yet to reach a divorce agreement with the former Beatle, has been doing a series of interviews in America after her controversial appearance on Britain’s GMTV earlier this week.

She claims Paul is not protecting her from ‘a modern day stoning from a certain portion of the media’.

The tabloid harassment, Heather claims, has made her want to take her feel ’suicidal’.

‘I spoke to Paul… he knew I was suicidal,’ she told Extra, ‘and still no protection.’

And she keeps on whining...

Heather Mills has unleashed an astonishing new tirade against Sir Paul McCartney's daughter.

Just two weeks after the televised rant in which she accused a "jealous" Stella McCartney of trying to wreck her marriage, Heather claims she has more evidence that the fashion designer has a vendetta against her.

In a bizarre statement, issued through her new "worldwide spokesperson" - an American champagne saleswoman called Michele Elyzabeth - she complains that she has to pay almost full price for clothes at her step-daughter's Mayfair store.

"Stella told Heather she'd give her just 10 percent off at her boutique in London," Michele Elyzabeth fumes in the statement.

"And they (are) related. But that just goes along with everything we know about Stella now."

Ms. Elyzabeth, who has combined a public relations business over the years with various entrepreneurial projects - including caviar facials and, currently, a champagne called Comtesse Michele Elyzabeth - added that Heather "tried and tried" to form a positive relationship with Stella during her four-year marriage to Paul.

She said that it became clear that Stella "despised" her step-mother three years ago, when Heather asked the designer to donate perfume for inclusion in gift bags at a gala for her pet cause, the anti-land mine charity Adopt-A-Minefield.

"She said, 'No!'"charged Ms. Elyzabeth.

"But we didn't beg. One turn-down is enough, so we told her, 'Fine, thank you,' and Elizabeth Arden donated instead."

In her extraordinary outburst on a US TV show, she alleged that Stella was upset because Heather was now in line to inherit 65-year-old Sir Paul's fortune and would "get all the planes and the diamonds."

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! A good old fashioned cat fight complete with flinging mud and pooh. The Aging Disco Diva has your back Stella...unless it involves breaking a nail or spilling any of my champagne....

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