Internet Acronym Lessons--Part Deux

Remember our little lesson on the acronym "TMFI" last week? Well the Aging Disco Diva has a new one for everyone today: "UV"

Nope, this has nothing to do with light rays, ozone or the sun. Our "UV" is short for "Unpleasant Visual" and thanks to today's gossip news, we have a wonderful example of UV that is gar-ran-teed to not only demonstrate what a UV is, it will also repulse and help you with any weight loss plans you may be entertaining.

Read it and wretch:

A sex video allegedly featuring KISS bassist Gene Simmons has surfaced on www.******com. The footage appears to be Simmons in several different positions with an Australian model named Elsa, who is a spokesperson for Frank's Energy Drink, a product which Simmons also reportedly endorses.

This is Elsa:

Perhaps this was an infomercial for the energy drink gone terribly wrong???

"Watch the sex tape Gene doesn't want you to see," The website reads. The site is charging $9.95 for a one-day viewing of the racy video.

Reportedly the former Kiss star is furious over the sex tape.

The 58 year old Simmons has bragged on numerous occasions that he has slept with more than 4,600 women, which he claims does not bother his live-in girlfriend and mother of his two children, Shannon Tweed (with whom he has been living with since 1985)

The Aging Disco Diva is trying to wrap her brain around so many concepts presented in this lesson....

First.....4,600 women voluntarily had sex with Gene Simmons? Seriously........? With this.........???:

Second....if you did indeed have sex with him....why would you admit it? Or (working hard to keep the vomit down) tape it?

Third...will this drive up the sales of Frank's Energy Drink as hordes of unattractive, somewhat pudgy, middle aged men think they will end up having sex with a young model if they drink the stuff? Will we suddenly see a rise (wink, wink) in the number of old men, wearing support stockings over their faces, robbing their local 7-Elevens and leaving with cases of Frank's Energy Drink?

Fourth...who volunteers to visit Miss Tweed and give her a good smack upside the head? I believe that love is blind and your soul mate will always look like a stud (or studette) in your eyes, so we can excuse why she fell in love with Gene...but in her case, love must be stupid too, because not only is he fugly with a capital "F" he is a nasty pig too. Maybe she will surprise us all by relieving Gene of his family jewels....

Class dismissed....The Aging Disco Diva is suddenly feeling queasy.... I need to quaff some double espressos and consume mass quantities of Godiva chocolate to ease the pain of it all.

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  1. Well, Gene does have a long tongue...I know I have always been complimented on mine.

    That aside, my superficial manhood, must say this: That Elsa Chick Is Hot!!

    Cheers Diva!!

  2. WOW!!! and I wasn't feeling all that well before, but much like the preverbial train wreck, I couldn't stop myself from reading the rest of the story...I don't think I'll be able to keep down solid food for at least the next 3 minutes!

    Anyway...your post made me laugh and the laughing made me feel better so thanks!