Showing posts with label Miley Cyrus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Miley Cyrus. Show all posts

The Strumpetini Miss Miley







The diva is trying to find the proper word for a harlot-in-training... harlotita? whorelette? sluticule? strumpetini? slagole?

Yes, the consensus front runner in the race to replace Britney as "America's Tartlette" is in the news once again.

A Kodak Moment?

Revealing photos of teen star Miley Cyrus appear to have turned up on the internet – just weeks after she was criticized for posing wrapped in just a sheet for Vanity Fair.

In the new snaps, a young woman who looks exactly like the 15-year-old is seen in a series of provocative poses, wearing just a T-shirt and red lacy knickers.

Miley emailed the provocative shots to former boyfriend Nick Jonas when they were dating last year, claims Oceanup.com

After the Vanity fair shoot was published, it caused a furore and Miley apologized to fans, insisting she never meant the images to be so explicit.

'I took part in a photoshoot that was supposed to be "artistic" and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed,' she insisted.

'I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about.'





Sigh... Momma Billy Ray needs to slap his baby cash cow upside the head and take away her damn camera phone. Who needs a famous Vanity Fair photographer when you can accomplish the same thing all by your empty-headed little self? Lil Miss Miley is hell bent on getting that portfolio of inappropriate pics ready so that when she hits 18 she can sign her name on a Playboy centerfold contract.





Now I have not been shy about sharing with you my suggestions on rearing this train wreck in training, but Momma Ray must not be a regular reader. I can now add this suggestion for Mr. Cyrus: Burn the friggin Victoria Secret "F*** Me" lace panties that your little dimwitted spawn likes to flash and replace them with these:





"But daddy....I want lace on my underwear!" "OK honey you can have these":






"White?...but daddy I want red underwear!" " Ok my little airhead, you can have these":





"and Miley sweetie...if you dontquityurbitchin daddy is going to buy you one of these" :






Just think of the possibilities Billy Ray! You can market "Hannah Montana" chastity belts, complete with purple and pink rhinestones.






Father Does Not Always Know Best







I just don't get it. The Aging Disco Diva must live in some sort of alternate universe where it is considered not only inappropriate, but downright friggin' yucky, for a daddy to rub lotion on his teenage daughter's arse, or





in between her thighs ... or





pose for engagement announcement type photos.







Or salaciously brag about your daughter's breasts:


“She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she’s sexy in both. She’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!






Transpose these images with the story of the almost unbelievable incest case of the father in Austria who held his daughter hostage for 24 years and impregnated her at least seven times, and you have to wonder WTF is going on over in this universe.





I am NOT saying that Hulk Hogan, Joe Simpson or Billy Ray are committing incest, but carp on a stick... do any of these morons have half a functioning brain cell in their addled head to help them realize that there is a line between appropriate and inappropriate behavior with your teenage or 20-something daughter?






Excuse me while I go projectile vomit. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.






Momma Billy Ray Rose Dropped the Ball?






Ok, let's just call the Aging Disco Diva a bit overprotective....a bit old fashioned....a bit old school... but when did quasi child porn become artsy? And what the f'n hell was Momma Billy Ray Rose doing while his 15...yes folks....15 year old daughter was posing for the picture above? Was he too damn busy counting the money his little cash cow is raking in to notice that she was posing provocatively, with her jail bait naughty bits covered up only with a silk sheet? OMFG. 15 might be considered an old woman back in the trailer park but carp on a stick, in most states (note I did not say all states) a 15 year old is still considered a child.






Does it take more than two brain cells to realize that a photo of your child wearing nothing but a sheet might be inappropriate for someone who is being aggressively pimped out ... I mean, marketed ... as "America's Squeaky Clean Teen Queen" ??? Hmmm??? Ya' think?




The Diva gave birth to two Princess Divas and you can bet that I would have stuck my size 7 platform shoe up the arse of anyone who suggested that they be allowed to take pictures of either of them, wearing only a silk sheet, when they were 15 years old... sheyat...I might still do that and they are aged 30 and 24 right now.





You have to love the spin control that is going on now:

She said....

ANNIE LEIBOVITZ was the photographer behind the headline-making pictures of teen queen MILEY CYRUS featured in the upcoming issue of Vanity Fair. Now, the famed photographer speaks out about the controversy.


"I'm sorry that my portrait of Miley has been misinterpreted," she says. "Miley and I looked at fashion photographs together and we discussed the picture in that context before we shot it. The photograph is a simple, classic portrait, shot with very little makeup, and I think it is very beautiful."




Misinterpreted? Misinterpreted? Do we look like a bunch of morons? How many ways can you interpret a photograph taken of a 15 year minor, wearing her birthday suit, a sheet and a f*** me expression? Ask any child molester and pervert and they can give you the only interpretation of that portrait that is legitimate. You, Ms Leibovitz, are a twittering fool ... and while I am ranting --- where the frig were her parents while this conversation was going on?



Am I the only one who would have handled it this way??

Photographer: Well, what do you think? Simple, classic, very little makeup ... no clothing ....

Pop Tart: "I think it looks, like really cool."




Aging Disco Diva wanders over, looks at digital proofs, turns and beyotch slaps the photographer: What in the hell do you think you are doing?

A.D.D grabs Pop Tart, gives her THE LOOK and says: What in the hell do you think you are doing? ....

End of problem, no scandal. But I guess that would take too much effort. You can't be your meal ticket's buddy and then try to be a parent. Sheyat, you might have to drag your arse back to the recording studio and actually try and earn your own money, or you could try making it on "Dancing With The Stars" ... strike that last one out ... well, there IS always "Celebrity Fit Club"





Jail bait said....

The 15-year-old actress/singer posed for celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz for the issue, on sale in New York and Los Angeles on Wednesday and nationwide May 6. One waist-up shot shows Cyrus looking provocatively over her right shoulder, her back nude and breasts covered by her arms and shimmery fabric.

In a caption with the image, Disney's Hannah Montana star tells VF: "I think it's really artsy. It wasn't in a skanky way. Annie took, like, a beautiful shot, and I thought that was really cool."


It wasn't in a skanky way? You thought it looked, like, really cool. You, Lil Miss Miley, are a twittering fool in-training.





Jail bait has second thoughts....

On Sunday, Cyrus apparently had a change of heart. "I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be 'artistic' and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed," she said in a statement issued by her publicist, Jill Fritzo. "I never intended for any of this to happen, and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about."





Translation: I thought it looked really, like, grown up, and sexy ... but daddy says that I am jeopardizing the standard of living he has grown accustomed to ... and I need to say that I was tricked. So I am so sorry, please continue to buy all the crap that Daddy has marketed with my face and name.









Big Magazine says...


Beth Kseniak, a spokeswoman for both Vanity Fair and Leibovitz defended the move in The New York Times: "Miley's parents and/or minders were on the set all day. Since the photo was taken digitally, they saw it on the shoot and everyone thought it was a beautiful and natural portrait of Miley."





The pics of Little Miss Miley that were allegedly posted on her MySpace page this past winter tend to support the idea that her handlers could not care less until the parents of her prepubescent fans started screaming ....






But, let's cut her parents and handlers some slack ... this is unchartered territory for the entertainment world ... It is not like there has ever been a young girl pushed into show biz by her parents and then allowed to spiral out of control because no one was willing to set rules for her ...














The Aging Disco Diva Dishes Oscar




Since somehow my invitations to the Oscars and the post-award parties were misplaced in the mail my snarkiness levels as I watch this evening are climbing in direct proportion to every lame joke, fake smile and silicon body part being flashed. So with no further ado here are my Oscar musings:


As I shared last night, America's rehab clinics and psych wards were emptied so that our favorite, and not-so-favorite, celebs could make an appearance on the Red Carpet. The first escaped loony to make his mark was Gary Busey. Gary decided to maul poor Jennifer Garner while she and Laura Linney were being interviewed by the qu...I mean king of E! It appeared that Ryan was under the influence of heaven-knows-what or is a complete blathering idiot...or both. Jennifer was much too polite (though clearly had the pee scared out of her by Busey) The Aging Disco Diva would have applied a swift kick to the little shriveled buseys the minute Gary tried to place those nasty lips of his anywhere close to my fabulousness. What was pretty funny is that you know Jennifer was thinking "Who the F' is this creep?" She honestly had no idea who he was.... and Gary was thinking "Man, she is so hot for me right now!" Gary hon, I hate to break this to you, but anyone under the age of 35 has no friggin' clue who the hell you are. Heck those of us over the age of 40 barely recognize you.




Anyway...while I am thinking of it---Hey Ryan, great job of protecting Jennifer from the creep...oh, wait a minute, that's right you didn't, you useless dweeb. And wasn't it classy of him to ask Jessica Alba about her breastfeeding plans?




Why, why, why do they feel the need to have each song performed? Sigh. Well, at least it allows the Diva to run upstairs, take a quick potty break, wash her hands, check her reflection in the mirror (OMG, time to touch up the roots again...) refill her champagne glass, grab some more Godiva chocolates and get back downstairs in time to hear the end of the song and to realize "Damn, that song really sucked"







I am puzzled about some of the presenters who were selected....Jessica Alba? Katherine Heigl? The Rock? Gee... three names we will never expect to hear announced after the phrase "And the Oscar goes to..." Razzies, maybe---Oscar? Don't bet the farm.







I was glad to see that someone told Miley Cyrus that less is more and that you do not have to wear enough makeup to prepare thirteen ladies of the evening for a long night's work when you leave home. She actually looked somewhat like a teenager, rather than a twenty four year old hooker who was ridden hard and put away wet.







I am convinced that there was enough Botox used by the audience to immobilize a fair sized third world nation. Their eyes might be smiling but everything else is frozen in place.




How many celebrities are going to slip on that damn spot on the stage before someone does something? The latest is John Travolta. Is it my imagination or does he look like Eddy Munster gone to seed? And oh yeah...what the freak does he have on his head? It is truly ghastly. Evidently Scientology does not believe in realistic toupees. For some odd reason the phrase "Simonize it" (If you are under the age of 50 you won't get the obscure reference) keeps popping into my brain with each Trovolta close-up.






Well, is over for another year. It was a bit of a snoozer; turns out the Busey assault was the most exciting thing to happen all night.


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