Oh The Horror, The Inhumanity of It All.....

The Aging Disco Diva experienced yesterday, in the most horrific manner imaginable, the grave dangers associated with common, over-the-counter cold medications. Even though it is not stated in the warnings written on each bottle or on each box of cold medicine, it must be understood that it is extremely dangerous to gossip while under the influence of cold medications.

The Aging Bingo Princess, who has been fighting off a cold all week and is on a DayQuil drip, called me yesterday. After a while our conversation turned to gossip (naturally):

Aging Disco Diva: "That Gene Simmons sex tape is the hot gossip story today, that is for sure"

Aging Bingo Princess: "Gene Simmons? Really...gosh that is hard to believe!"

A.D.D.: "Why? He is a horny pig that will jump the bones of anything that is female"

A.B.P.: "Females? Damn, I thought he was gay..."

A.D.D.: "Huh? Gay? No way...he brags that he has had sex with a billion woman."

A.B.P.: "Seriously??? I had no idea. I could have sworn he was gay."

A.D.D.: "That's really weird...I have never, ever heard anyone even whisper that he was gay. He is a complete horn dog"

A.B.P.: "Wow, he really had me fooled... he looks like a fruit bar in those little shorts"

A.D.D.: "Gene Simmons...in shorts?....that's repulsi....."

Then it dawned on me that my poor, medically deranged friend was picturing this in her DayQuil haze:

In nightmare fashion, tawdry images immediately flashed in my mind---The Richard Simmons Sex Tape:

Oh....dear....lord....at least he has on underwear.....

I think it is time for me to self-medicate....no, not the champagne glasses....just give me the whole damn bottle....






Technorati Tags: Gene Simmons, Richard Simmons, Sex Tape,

Internet Acronym Lessons--Part Deux

Remember our little lesson on the acronym "TMFI" last week? Well the Aging Disco Diva has a new one for everyone today: "UV"

Nope, this has nothing to do with light rays, ozone or the sun. Our "UV" is short for "Unpleasant Visual" and thanks to today's gossip news, we have a wonderful example of UV that is gar-ran-teed to not only demonstrate what a UV is, it will also repulse and help you with any weight loss plans you may be entertaining.

Read it and wretch:

A sex video allegedly featuring KISS bassist Gene Simmons has surfaced on www.******com. The footage appears to be Simmons in several different positions with an Australian model named Elsa, who is a spokesperson for Frank's Energy Drink, a product which Simmons also reportedly endorses.

This is Elsa:


Perhaps this was an infomercial for the energy drink gone terribly wrong???

"Watch the sex tape Gene doesn't want you to see," The website reads. The site is charging $9.95 for a one-day viewing of the racy video.

Reportedly the former Kiss star is furious over the sex tape.

The 58 year old Simmons has bragged on numerous occasions that he has slept with more than 4,600 women, which he claims does not bother his live-in girlfriend and mother of his two children, Shannon Tweed (with whom he has been living with since 1985)

The Aging Disco Diva is trying to wrap her brain around so many concepts presented in this lesson....

First.....4,600 women voluntarily had sex with Gene Simmons? Seriously........? With this.........???:

Second....if you did indeed have sex with him....why would you admit it? Or (working hard to keep the vomit down) tape it?

Third...will this drive up the sales of Frank's Energy Drink as hordes of unattractive, somewhat pudgy, middle aged men think they will end up having sex with a young model if they drink the stuff? Will we suddenly see a rise (wink, wink) in the number of old men, wearing support stockings over their faces, robbing their local 7-Elevens and leaving with cases of Frank's Energy Drink?




Fourth...who volunteers to visit Miss Tweed and give her a good smack upside the head? I believe that love is blind and your soul mate will always look like a stud (or studette) in your eyes, so we can excuse why she fell in love with Gene...but in her case, love must be stupid too, because not only is he fugly with a capital "F" he is a nasty pig too. Maybe she will surprise us all by relieving Gene of his family jewels....

Class dismissed....The Aging Disco Diva is suddenly feeling queasy.... I need to quaff some double espressos and consume mass quantities of Godiva chocolate to ease the pain of it all.

Technorati Tags: Gene Simmons, Sex tape, Frank's Energy Drink, KISS, Shannon Tweed