Tittalating Tuesday: The Diva's Killer Fruitcake

In keeping with the Diva's mission to expose her world-wide audience to high brow, classical Holiday music I have spent hours engaged in serious research.

Sigh...I double checked--all the cameras in my Flying Monkey's cell phones have been disabled. Those damn sinister simians must have a camera hidden somewhere in the mansion. "Find camera" has has now been added to my bucket list.

Anyway.....today's cultural epic is:

The holidays were upon us
And things were going fine
‘til the day I heard the doorbell
And a chill ran up my spine
I grabbed the wife and children
As the postman wheeled it in
A yearly Christmas nightmare
Has just come back again
It was harder than the head of Uncle Bucky
Heavy as the sermon of Preacher Lucky
One’s enough to give the whole state of Kentucky
A great big bellyache!
It was denser than a drove of barnyard turkeys
Tougher than a truckload of all-beef jerky
Drier than a drought in Albuquerque
Grandma’s killer fruitcake!

Now, I’ve had to swallow some marginal fare
At our family feasts
I even downed Aunt Dolly’s possum pie
Just to keep the family peace
I winced at Wilma’s gizzard mousse
But said it tasted fine
But that lethal weapon that Grandma bakes
Is where I draw the line


It’s early Christmas morning and the phone rings us awake
“It’s Grandma, Pa, she wants to know, how did we like the cake?”
“Well, Grandma… I never!... We couldn’t!... Unbelievable, that’s for sure!
What’s that you say? Oh, no, Grandma! Please don’t send us more!”


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