Tittalating Tuesday: The Diva's Killer Fruitcake

In keeping with the Diva's mission to expose her world-wide audience to high brow, classical Holiday music I have spent hours engaged in serious research.

Sigh...I double checked--all the cameras in my Flying Monkey's cell phones have been disabled. Those damn sinister simians must have a camera hidden somewhere in the mansion. "Find camera" has has now been added to my bucket list.

Anyway.....today's cultural epic is:

Grandma's Killer Fruitcake 

The holidays were upon us
And things were going fine
‘til the day I heard the doorbell
And a chill ran up my spine
I grabbed the wife and children
As the postman wheeled it in
A yearly Christmas nightmare
Has just come back again

 

Chorus:
It was harder than the head of Uncle Bucky
Heavy as the sermon of Preacher Lucky
One’s enough to give the whole state of Kentucky
A great big bellyache!
It was denser than a drove of barnyard turkeys
Tougher than a truckload of all-beef jerky
Drier than a drought in Albuquerque
Grandma’s killer fruitcake!

Now, I’ve had to swallow some marginal fare
At our family feasts
I even downed Aunt Dolly’s possum pie
Just to keep the family peace
I winced at Wilma’s gizzard mousse
But said it tasted fine
But that lethal weapon that Grandma bakes
Is where I draw the line

Chorus

Bridge:
It’s early Christmas morning and the phone rings us awake
“It’s Grandma, Pa, she wants to know, how did we like the cake?”
“Well, Grandma… I never!... We couldn’t!... Unbelievable, that’s for sure!
What’s that you say? Oh, no, Grandma! Please don’t send us more!”

BON APPÉTIT!